The random Hal story written by me and you guys

[FullMetal_old]

He got raped by a dinosaur with lazors as its nipples, well dino-nipples and he was screaming 'PC MONITORS'.

[Loud&Clear]

The dinosaur kept yelling "PC MONITORS" as it thrust itself deeper and deeper into Hal. Hal felt a strange feeling, one of pleasure and shame. With a liberating "hngh" the dinosaur let out his load into hal. Hal was left broken, at the last point of badlands.


Or so would the history books lead you to believe.

Truth be told, history is written by the strong. Such had happened in the chronichles of the badlands. Apparently, the RED team, led by ruairio, a bunch of rag tag elite warriors, outnumbered and outgunned, while BLU, lead by Hal, were ten thousand of the strongest, most feared, unlawful mercenaries. The history books tell us of the great shout of the second point, with ruairio, as a scout, leading the charge agaisnt the last point, and many other episodes which left their mark in common folklore.

Those stories are a lie, spread by those who fear hal's idealism might be known, that there is a way to stop everyone at festersplace from engie-spamming, ending with The Great Stalemate, started in 1874 and still happening today, five thousand years later.

[what happens next?]

[black_feather]

He got raped by a dinosaur with lazors as its nipples, well dino-nipples and he was screaming 'PC MONITORS'.

Dinosaurs don't have nipples, only mammals have mammary glands. Don't they teach you nothing at school these days

[BBloke]

He got raped by a dinosaur with lazors as its nipples, well dino-nipples and he was screaming 'PC MONITORS'.

Dinosaurs don't have nipples, only mammals have mammary glands. Don't they teach you nothing at school these days

LMAO.. nice one Feather

[Cwmagain]

Now, 20 years later hal and his crew were all but forgotten. Ruario succumbed to liquor and cheap tacos and did not pose much of a threat anymore, his goons becoming more obese by the year. A weary hal stood up from his comfy chair and glanced at an old team picture on the wall, dusty and faded, and he sighed: "Is this really how I will come to an end?"

He wandered to his closet, opened it up and stared at his old soldiers uniform, cobnets covering his bazooka and helmet. He closed the door again, then opened it and stared some more. One hour later he walked out of the door, fully dressed in tactical Soldier gear, bazooka slung loosely over the shoulder and medals once again policed on his chest. An ace of spades and a packet of marlboros strapped in the band of his helmet. People started coming out of the houses next to him, hal payed no attention at first until he noticed their outfit. There was Cwmagain in the old asbestos pro suit, a gasmask on his head but still recognisable by the mother of all flamethrowers grasped dearly in his hands. On the other side exited Anubis, who had grown more and more in size over the years. Slowly and breathing heavily he paced forward, natasha in his one hand and a sandwich in the other.

Even further wwas bbloke, armed only with a wrench and a sly grin. The rest of their comrades had long since been buried, or blown to bits. Nobody wondered why they had exited all at the same time with their old gear on. Nobody spoke a word while they met up. They all knew. This was going to be the greatest night ever.

[d0n_th3_run_4ss4ss1n]

[sry to interrupt again but - .cwmagain, I really enjoyed reading this passage. You got a very detailed writing style, clear to imagine. Very good ones, dude. "I like!"]

@feather and Bloke:
sry, guys, but YOU must´ve been missing middle school:
ofc dinosaurs HAD nipples as both of you can clearly see on this scientifically proven piece of history:



Now look at the T-Rex´ left nipple area - a laser beam appears out of nothin or what?!
It´s definitely a nipple-based laser unit - so I have proven that Hal was right and you were ridiculously wrong.
Shame on you hobby scientists! Just !

[Cwmagain]

Haha thanks, I havent written in a while and english isen't my first language ( Its dutch! or welsh if you believe jased ). Glad to see my works are still apreciated

I was going to say thats a laser gun hes holding. Then I looked closer and saw his hands/claws were free so it would be floating in mid air. After some more inspection It appeared to be a little dude. A little dude with a nipple hat. Just watch the picture, its swarming with little red nipple men.

Dinosaurs had nipples. Yes. They weren't on their body, but in droves around them, hundreds of little nipple minions doing their bidding. Think of THAT when you're trying to get some sleep...

[Loud&Clear]

Suddenly, a man appeared behind anubis, knife in hand, approaching the unsuspecting man taking all the time in the world. With a sadistic grin, the man buried his knife deep in anubis' back. Anubis fell at an incredibly slow speed, hitting the ground with a crashing sound that engulfed the neighbourhood.

"You fiend!" yelled BBloke, gripping his wrench tightly as the anger surged through his body, all signs of old age gone. "how DARE you kill a man in his own house, in cold blood!"

The man frowned upon BBloke, opened a cigarette case, lifted a thin cigarette to his mouth. He began to speak. A strange, muffled sound, even though he had no gas mask like Cwmagain.

"sorry mate your mic's too quiet" said jase.

The man picked up a piece of cardboard and a crayon and started scribbling on it.

[Loud&Clear]

"help? Here, take this!" The spy took a shotgun to the face, courtesy of BBloke.

A phone rings at Hal's place

[Cwmagain]

The phone rings and rings, its sound echoing in the majestic hallway. A lazy cat turned its ears towards the device, but for the rest nothing stirred. Suddenly, a door slammed, and just as a wet naked Hal reached out for the horn the ringing stopped. "God-fucking-shiteating-motherfuckers", he yelled. "Fucking calling me when I'm in the shower fucking AAAAAH!"

Hal noticed the cat staring at him, mildy amused. Hal shrugged and was about to walk away when he saw something shimmering from the corner of his eye. The cat. The cat was shimmering.

Years and years of experience had trained his reflexes to the point where he acted without having to think - "SPYYYYY!!" he exclaimed, before throwing himself on the cat, armed with a decorative sword from the wall. The spycat dodged Hal, ran towards the stairs, sat down and casually peered at Hal again. This time it didn't wait for the next strike and decloaked, reveiling a middle aged man in a red suit and ditto ski-mask. "Hello, Hal", said the spy.

"What are you doing in my house! Get out, you scum!", Hal cried, trying to raise his sword again. the sword however, was heavier then it used to be and as Hal looked down he saw that it also decloaked into a red spy. "Hello, Hal", said the sword spy.

Hal gasped in disbelief and was stunned for a moment until the towel he had wrapped around his waist also dissolved to reveil a spy. The spy, still wrapped around him, looked at him with an amused grin and greeted him as well. More and more household objects were decloaking, and the house was filled with whoosing sounds. His furniture, his pets, all spies. Then the walls turned, the floors, the ceilings, one writhing mass of red tuxedos and skimasks. Hal sank to his knees, crying, as the spy army closed in around him. "AAAAAHH NOOOO, NOT THE SPIIIEES... AAAAAH".

The he woke up, breathing heavily. It was dark around him, and only his alarm clock was visible. Hal sighed. All just a dream. Content, he turned around and almost fell back to sleep when he noticed an open window that he was sure he closed before the night.


..... What will happen next?