Jokes, Puns and Amusing Stories

[MountieXXL]

nice one Bosco ^^

A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way to a side aisle and into a confessional.

A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress and figuring the man was in need of some assistance, proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. But his attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence.

Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?"

"I dunno," came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"

[Jonnywhy]

I heard this for the first time at around 7 this saturday morning, sitting in a campsite out of my bin...

A weekend camping then Bosco? Did you take your guitar?

[dintbo(aka bosco)]

I was at the electric picnic Jonny, and I never bring instruments to festivals, too risky. Dam good weekend, but I had to leave early yesterday cos of stupid work today.

http://www.electricpicnic.ie/html/music.html

[baggheed]

3 men on honeymoon talking and each recons he will make love to his wife the most that night.they decide to let each other know the number of times by the ammount of toast they order at breakfast so the wives don't get suspicious

[baggheed]

1st man orders 2toast
2nd man,looking pleased with himself,orders 3 toast until
3rd man says in a loud voice"i would like 4 slices of toast please and could u make 2 of them brown"

[Johnimus Prime]

You know when a girl is too young for you when you have to make aeroplane noises to get her to open her mouth

(Jimmy Carr)

[cockijoe]

This is a little long but its funny as hell lmao

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/audio/play/39068/

[cockijoe]

1 for my irish friends

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the forest. One of the Indians ran over to a cave and shouted into it: "Whooooo. Whooooo. Whooooo."

Within a few seconds there was a "Whooooo. Whooooo. Whooooo" coming from the cave. The Red Indian ripped off all his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman not understanding what went on asked the other Red Indian what it was all about. He explained that in the mating season, braves do this and if there is a squaw on her own she replies and you go in.

Not long after as they walked through the forest, the second Indian saw a cave and ran to it. He too went "Whooooo. Whooooo. WHooooo" first and straight away there was a "Whooooo. Whooooo. Whooooo" back. He too ripped his clothes off and ran into the cave.

The Irishman carried on walking through the forest when he saw a large cave. He stood there and shouted at the top of his voice: "Whooooo. Whooooo. Whooooo."

Right away there was a "Whooooo. Whooooo. Whooooo" so he ripped off all his clothes and ran into the cave.

The next day the headline in the local paper read: "Nude Irishman killed by a train!"

[baggheed]

lol joe thank fk someone started!
Copper in the morgue asks the mortition why there r 3 men dead with smiles on their faces"well the first is an englishman he died of heart attack while knobbing the wife hence the smile,the second a scotsman won the lottery,bought a load of whisky drunk himself to death again hence the smile"

[baggheed]

the third man,from ireland, unfortunately was struck by lightning"
"so why was he smiling"asks the copper
"he thought he was havin his picture taken!"